20 questions you should answer if you’re looking for true love.


Copyright notthecoolgirl.com

In a recent conversation, D brought up the question, “Why does it seem like so many women are unhappy with being single?” In return, I answered, “Why does it seem like so many men are happy being single?”

The answer is a matter of perspective. Is it that men truly enjoy being single more than women do? Or is it that women are more vocal about their desire to find a partner than men are? I don’t know the right answer, but based on my experience I’d say we’re all yearning for relationship fulfillment in one way or another.  

Before I met D, I had countless disappointments. I don’t even remember all the details anymore of what went wrong with my previous relationships because all I need to know is that they had nothing to do with what I wanted in a true partner. And they don’t compare to what I have now. I know hindsight’s 20/20 and you must be saying: “of course she’s dishing advice on how to find true love now, she’s in love!” If I wasn’t though, I wouldn’t change my advice, because I learned what was right for me before I fell in love with D.

I didn’t meet him until months after I went on my 30 dates challenge. And yes, I was absolutely starting to feel defeated again, so I took a short break from dating. And then I jumped right back again. This time thinking I needed to be more guarded and “in control”. But true to myself, I opened my heart just enough to give him a chance to break through and to quote Beyonce, those walls I built “came tumbling down. I couldn’t even put up a fight.” Every rule I had he’s breaking, and yes It’s true, “I got my angel now!”

So this thought led me to come up with the reasons why people don’t fall in love, or better yet, don’t find the right match to fall in love with. It’s not a matter of coincidence or bad luck. It’s a combination of two things: numbers and lists.

Back in my short-lived experience as an account executive for a local newspaper company, I learned that the key to a successful career in sales is to build a solid network of key customers and never stop adding names to your contact list. Meaning: the more names in your prospect list, the more likely the sale. Or as my manager would have put it, to sell 50 ads you have to contact 150 people.

I put this theory to the true test when I went out on dates with 34 different guys in the span of 18 months. That’s a lot to the person who dates an average of two per year, but if you really do the math, sometimes finding the right partner takes not only years of practice, but also a large number of let downs. The more you date, the better you will get at it, and the better you get at dating, the more you’ll know yourself and what you need in a partner. The more you know yourself, the better you will date, and the better you date the more likely you will be to find the love you’re looking for. It all comes full circle. It’s simple math!


Copyright notthecoolgirl.com

Ok, before you throw something at me, I know it’s not that simple. But it might help if we talk about your checklist…

The other obstacle in finding real love, besides our own fears, is that we make these long lists of what we want and what we don’t want in a partner, and most of the time those lists are extremely superficial. If you have the words “makes more than $xx per year,” written anywhere on there, you should burn your list immediately. That said, if you don’t have the words: “genuine and willing to work hard for the relationship” on there, you might want to burn that list also.

Another problem I often see is that people are not making a list of what they want to have in a relationship or how they want to complement their partner. We need to focus on what we bring to the table and what we will need to be successful in the relationship. What kind of things do you need to do to prepare yourself for the love you want and rightfully deserve?

Try making a list of things you can work on before you can truly be ready for a relationship. And before you ask, there’s no right answer to these questions, the important thing is to know where you stand. Here’s one to get you started.

20 questions you should deal with if you want to find true love:

  1. Are you happy with who you are?

  2. Are you happy where you are?

  3. Are you still in love with someone from your past?

  4. Are you still getting over a heartbreak?

  5. Do you want a partner or just a person to sleep with and hang out with?

  6. Are you willing to spend less time on your hobbies to make room for someone else’s?

  7. Can you have a disagreement without losing your head or throwing something?

  8. Why do you want to get married?

  9. Or better yet, do you want to get married?

  10. Are you willing to do things you don’t like?

  11. Are you willing to make changes to your life?

  12. What have you learned about yourself that will make you a good partner?

  13. Are you willing to happily talk to the same person every day and possibly see them every day, even though it might seem unnecessary?

  14. Are you able to take and give a compliment?

  15. Can you handle brutal honesty? If not, how will you handle it when it comes?

  16. Do you still wear your makeup to bed?

  17. Can you handle morning breath?

  18. Do you need to have everything in your life a certain way?

  19. Do you lose your head if people use your stuff without asking?

  20. Are you selfish in bed?

I hope this list provides you with a good starting point in getting to know your relationship needs better. If you have questions of your own, please share them with us in the comments below!



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