Some single behaviors are worth hanging on to, but others we should probably leave behind.
I know what you’re thinking, I’m in a new awesome relationship so from now on I’m only going to talk about love and how wonderful and amazing it all is. Yup, it’s all butterflies and cotton candy over here. WRONG! Even new relationships have their annoyances. Yes, new relationships are mostly all cuddling and eating out (no pun intended). But what most happy new couples hate to admit is that while our waist lines get fuller, with love and joy of course, other parts of our lives suffer. Like our single behaviors and our friends. Remember them???
First Single Behavior that suffers: WORKOUTS. I don’t care if you’re Serena Williams, when you’re in a new relationship your fitness goals always take a hit. Maybe you’re tired in the mornings from the late night conversations, or you’re tied up in the evenings with dinner dates. Or you’re literally tied up… hello Mr. Grey.
Second single behavior that suffers: HAPPY HOURS turned RATs (Random Ass Tuesdays), as my DC friends call it. Those nights you innocently told yourself you were just meeting coworkers for happy hour, then three text messages and five cocktails later you’re with your girls and half of the development team salsa dancing on a rooftop at 1:30 in the morning.
Third single behavior that suffers: PASSIONS & PERSONAL GOALS. I personally hate to admit it but it’s true. The happier I am the less inspired I feel to write. It’s just easier to get motivated when something pisses me off or makes me sad. Maybe I should consider writing about happy things more often, but happy themes are not nearly as interesting or funny. Just ask Shonda Rhimes, people love them some drama. Coincidentally, love hasn’t deterred my bf from his passion at all… As a matter of fact I think his putting stroke has actually improved. To be fair, even he says golf is better when your life is going well. You’re welcome. 😉
Fourth single behavior that suffers: FRIENDSHIPS. I’ve mentioned this topic before, but not surprisingly it’s worth repeating. When we fall in love, often our friendships take a back seat. I mean let’s face it, you my friend, are not going to give me a back rub or make me breakfast in bed so… Let’s be honest here, while we love our friends, being in a new relationship always proves that we love ourselves more.
Fifth single behavior that suffers: ALONE TIME. When D and I first started dating, I saw him so often that I never had time to reflect. I know it sounds ridiculous but some days I need time to sit, be still, and think. I also love reading, and even that was hard to do! It’s so hard to get any alone time. Because when you’re in the early stages of a relationship, it’s impossible to say no to dinner, and dancing, and ice cream, and movies and breakfast, and mini trips, and dinner… Regretfully, I’ve even let my fashion magazines go unread in the past few months. I would cancel my subscription if I was actually the one who subscribed. Truthfully I have no idea how I ended up with a free copy of InStyle in my mailbox every month. But I’m not planning to complain.
While some of these Single Behaviors have to change to make room for our new love, we don’t have to give them up altogether. The only way to achieve balance is to learn how to compromise. “ComproWHAT?” you say. That’s a tricky subject matter for another day kids. For now all you need to know is this: Should we compromise about going out for drinks with our friends everyday? Yes. Should we compromise our passions and dreams? Absolutely not. You have to find a balance between what you need to keep unchanged in your life to be a healthy and happy individual, which in turn makes you a happy and supportive partner, and what you can do without.
That said, once you’re in a committed relationship, I firmly believe there are three SBs that need to be completely stopped:
ONE: No sleepovers with people of the opposite sex or anyone who you might be attracted to unless its a family member. And I sincerely hope you’re not attracted to any family members. There’s no reason why any grownup with a job should be sleeping over at a friend’s house unless they are too drunk to drive or visiting for the weekend. And by the way, there’s this great new invention called taxi service that will take you anywhere you need to go if you inebriate yourself to this precarious position.
TWO: No more random late night calls. I don’t care if you have an insomniac pen pal who lives in Phoenix, she knows you live in New York, so kindly remind her not to call past 10 p.m. Thank you.
THREE: No more ambiguous friendships. All friendships must be recorded and approved by the National Federation of Platonic Friendships. (It’s a real entity look it up.) If you have any people in your life who you left unfinished business with, it’s time to have that uncomfortable conversation where you let them know you are no longer available to be their buddy, late night hangout, or #Ifallelsefails option. Furthermore, remember to be clear when making new friends in the future, by letting them know that you are in a committed relationship and please, please, please, try not to send the wrong signals by flirting or being overly charming. I know it’s hard… but do us all a favor and cut that shit out. It only confuses people, I should know from personal experience, and later makes you look like the dickhead who bought you a drink but didn’t mention he was married. Womp Womp.
Did I miss any? Feel free to let me know in the comments below. 🙂