{Date 22} Addicted to Singlehood

Monday October 20 – The Doctor Returns…

It’s date # 3 with The Doctor, and just as the first two dates, we over-extend our stay at the restaurant. This time we go for pizza in the village. A small place, perfectly cozy on a rainy Monday evening. “I hope you’re hungry!” he tells me, “because I thought we could order two pizzas.” “Yeah, that sounds perfectly sensible to me, but let’s throw in a salad for good measure,” I reply.

“What are your goals for the next five years?” I ask him, while we chew on our kale salads. He proceeds to share his professional goals with me, which are definitely inspiring, but he conveniently makes no mention of his personal goals. “What about you? he asks. “No, no, I’m not done, I have a follow-up,” I shoot back. “Oh you wanna know my personal goals,” he says with a mischievous smirk on his face.

He tells me he would like to someday try marriage again, but he likes being on his own right now and enjoys it. “Also, whoever I end up with would have to be fiercely independent,” he tells me. “Why is that?” I ask. “Because in my line of work, I could be gone for months at a time,” he says. Yes, that’s a tough one… And now I know why he’s single. “Women normally don’t like it when I tell them that part,” he says.

I understand where he’s coming from, it’s hard to want to give up your singlehood, we all know this. But why? Is it because we don’t have to consider anyone else when making decisions? If we want to buy a new TV, we just buy a new TV. If we want to redecorate, we don’t have to convince anyone about the necessity of a throw pillow. We single adult humans get to do, come, and go as we please, and it’s pretty awesome! But it can also be addicting, dangerously so. Usually this addiction to singlehood happens after a bad divorce, which leads me to the question: what motivates a divorced individual to get married again? It’s definitely not curiosity, it’s not sex, and it’s not peer pressure. And what about those who have more than one divorce behind them? What could possibly make them want to get married a third, fourth or tenth time? Temporary insanity?

I confess to him that I wasn’t 100% sure about us meeting tonight. “I don’t know what will come of this, and I would hate to lead you on,” I tell him. I share with him my reservations… He lives in another city, that’s one, even if it’s only an hour drive. His career will take him away from here for months at a time, and frankly, I don’t have it in me to be in another long-distance relationship. The days of nightly calls and Skype sessions are OVER for me, at least for now. The fact that he’s divorced is another, although not a deal breaker. Why? Because in my experience divorced men have that “been there done that” outlook and I don’t want to compete with that mentality. “But I do enjoy our conversations immensely,” I tell him. If nothing else, I’d like to stay friends, at least for now. And I hope he feels the same way.

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  One thought on “{Date 22} Addicted to Singlehood

  1. October 21, 2014 at 11:30 pm

    Thanks for sharing!

    Thought-stirring piece, Maribel. I never thought of “singlehood” as an addiction though, but truly (and maybe in a self-comforting way) as me being selective and at the same time (in a twisted way) loyal to the person who consistently proved to be a one and only one. She became an invincible (invisible) standard in her absence, one that I did not wholly or exactly view as one back then, when “personal goals” became too personal, rather impersonal, in the worst timing ever. Cause, I didn’t realise she was supposed to be part of the person and the person’s plan. Love blinded me in a non-figurative and non-romantic way with zero ROI! Ah, foolishness!

    I believe the addiction to singlehood can only be overcome by another one; the addiction to togetherness. And togetherness only becomes a “qualified addiction” when it is childish, crazy, fun, uninhibited, immaterial, natural and (un)healthy.When it is not a project with a goal but rather an adventure of a fool with someone he/she solely finds both warmly and cool.

    What is togetherness to you; a goal, a project, an adventure or something cool?

    Like

    • October 22, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts! You make some good points. I wish I could answer your question with a simple sentence… I will ponder this deeply and maybe write about what togetherness means to me in the near future. 🙂

      Like

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