By now I almost feel like a tinder expert. It’s been eighteen days into my 30-day tinder dating challenge and my head hasn’t exploded yet. Let’s be frank, most of my dates have been non-starters, but in the first two-weeks I’ve been able to learn a lot about the things that attract me to someone and the things that I will not put up with.
Armed with this information I now find myself weeding out some of my original tinder matches. It’s one thing to match with someone because their pictures are nice, but it’s another thing to be able to carry on an interesting conversation with them. Via the tinder chats, I’ve received all sorts of fascinating messages. One guy in particular sent me just one message that read: “dtf?”. I’m obviously not hip enough with the times because I wrote back: “dare to fly?”. I blocked him shortly after looking up the true definition. Thanks again urbandictionary.com!
Currently I’m up to 114 matches, but only some of them make an effort to actually meet in person, which means I have to “un-match” the passive ones and swipe some more. I must have gone through 125 matches or so on tinder by now and I’ve been out on 15 dates, so that means my earlier 1 out of 3 success rate is completely off. It’s more like a 1 out of 9. As I’ve been chatting and meeting with these guys I’ve taken it upon myself to ask, why even bother with tinder, if so many people don’t even make the effort to meet their matches? Their responses have helped me come up with the following categories, or as I call them: “tinder types”.
Tinder type # 1: “For me it’s just a time waster, I swipe during my down-time at work and exchange messages here and there, but I don’t take it too seriously.”
Tinder type # 2: “It helps me know what ‘level’ of girl I can approach. If I match with 10’s, (his words, not mine) on tinder, then I know I can successfully approach 10’s at a bar.”
Tinder type # 3: “I like knowing that people find me attractive.”
Tinder type # 4: “Potential hook ups, here or in any city I travel to.”
Tinder type # 5: “Just looking to make new friends, and maybe it turns into something.”
That last one is the most popular type. I guess I would consider myself a tinder type # 5. It’s a good way to see who’s out there, and date without the pressure of having to invest a lot of time on just one person. If you’re lucky you might make a new friend, if you’re REALLY lucky you might actually fall in love, and if your stars align that person might love you back!
My 16th date was a tinder type # 1.
Thursday October 16th – 14 dates to go!
I finally break down and ask my date to meet at a bar around the corner from my place. A lazy move on my part, but all the uber rides back and forth are getting expensive! Besides, if the date sucks we can always call it a night, and I can walk home in two-minutes flat with heels on.
I walk in and find him at the bar. We hit it off right away, but there’s something weird going on. He seems nervous and keeps rolling his right shoulder back. It happens every other sentence like clockwork. I’m distracted by this nervous tick and decide to turn and face the bar every so often to keep myself from staring.
After his first beer he seems relaxed and the nervous tick has eased off. Finally, we can have a conversation face to face. He tells me that he’s been in the restaurant industry for several years, he likes to travel and has been to almost every state, but two. He speaks some Spanish, and can pronounce my name perfectly… bonus points!
He’s blunt, I ask him why he’s on tinder and he tells me a variation of tinder type # 1. “It’s fun to swipe and see who’s out there, I don’t expect to make a deep connection with anyone though,” Then we get into the topic of why people like to misrepresent themselves on tinder, match, facebook, and all types of other social and dating platforms. “I guess they hope that when you meet them in person you’ll like their personality enough to forget that they looked ten years younger in their pictures,” he tells me. I learn from him that guys have a way of telling if a woman is lying about her looks. “She only takes selfies and they’re all from a high angle, so you only see her face and cleavage,” we laugh… “Wow, you have this down to a science,” I reply.
He’s a nice guy, has some interesting dating stories to share, and makes some good points about men and women’s expectations of each other. “I’m not trying to be a jerk, but if you want your man to look like a GQ model, then you should strive to look like a Vogue model, it’s not fair to expect someone to be fit and sexy, if you’re not taking care of yourself.”
I hate to admit it, but the guy has a point. It’s a double standard we’ve all been guilty of. It’s not fair to expect that your partner has a great job, a high level of education and a six pack, if you’re content with having a part-time job, barely graduated high school and your idea of a workout is sorting the recycling.
“What if I told you I was a lawyer who became an astronaut, after I traveled the world as a doctor curing sick orphans?” he asks me, “you’d be all over me wouldn’t you?” I laugh, “Is that what you think our fantasy man looks like?” I reply. “And what type of women do men most fantasize about?” I ask him. “Models,” he replies. “Well if you were truly all those things, then I would tell you I’m a lingerie model who loves football and teaches yoga in her spare time,” I add. “Sounds like we would be the perfect match!” he says.