I get to the bar but can’t find my date. I know he’s already here, so I text, but there’s no answer. Did I get stood up? The hostess asks me if I want a table and I tell her I’m meeting someone. She points out a guy sitting by himself and asks if I’m meeting him. I don’t recognize him so I say no, but when he sees me he waves and I realize that’s my date!
“I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you,” I tell him. He looks older and definitely a little heavier in person. Crap! Not again… Ladies and gentlemen of tinder, and the rest of the online dating world, let’s talk about your profile pictures. Please don’t post anything that is more than a year old. Why? Because, A) It’s hard to recognize you when you’ve cut, lost or grown out your hair. B) It’s hard to trust someone who would lie about the way they look. C) You end up looking like an asshole and wasting your time.
I digress… After the uncomfortable introduction, we approach the dance floor and catch the last thirty minutes of salsa lessons before the party begins. I admire that he would even suggest this place in the first place as he’s definitely not a dancer or comfortable on the dance floor. But I have to give him credit for trying! I decide to enjoy the moment and get to know him.
After a few songs, he seems to get the hang of it and we’re dancing! Our moves are not as gracious as we’d like, but no one cares, we’re enjoying the music and having fun. Suddenly I realize we haven’t really talked about our lives. So we decide to take a break and chat for a minute. He tells me he’s an engineer, he loves his job, he has two dogs, brews beer and likes to travel. All good things in my book! We go back on the dance floor…
An hour goes by and I’m starting to get tired so I ask if he minds that I cut out early. We walk out of the bar together, and before we pass the street meat cart he drops this on my lap: “I have two kids, and I’m recently divorced.” “Okay… would have been nice to know this information earlier,” I reply. I ask him a couple of follow up questions, how long ago? And how old are they? While trying to hide the fact that I’m annoyed with him. “Earlier you told me you had two dogs, a cat and your favorite type of food. How did you forget to share this?” I ask him.
What is the deal with people?! I don’t care if you are divorced or have kids, well I care to a certain extent, but I’m not going to shun you for it! And by the way, it’s a HUGE deal that you have kids, divorced, not so much. But kids?! They come with you, like a package deal! So it should be right up there as a piece of initial information, next to your name, age and what your favorite color is. Some of these guys on tinder are willing to share intimate details like their height, past love mishaps and their receding hairlines, but why is it so hard to say: “I have a kid!”? In my opinion, not saying you have children is almost as bad as posting a picture of yourself from ten years ago.
We say goodbye at the next street corner and I wish him a nice night. When he asks if I would like to go out with him I can’t bring myself to be rude so I say “I’m not sure.” Which I’m pretty sure is worse than saying “no”. 😦