“Do you want to go to an art gallery show?” He asked
“Sure!” I said “When?”
And then he disappeared for a week. I didn’t really know what to think of this guy at first considering he was very eager to meet me, and then poof! My first guess? He’s married or at the very least has a girlfriend. I haven’t even met him yet so he can’t possibly already be disappointed! Give me chance to scare you away or not meet your expectations before you cut me out of your life! It’s the decent thing to do right?
A week later, he sends me a message on tinder apologizing. “I’m sorry I disappeared, I had surgery,” he writes. Well that’s an excuse I haven’t heard before so I accept the apology. I can’t decide if I’m amused or annoyed, and I still have a feeling he might be married. Not the first time that’s happened! Let’s talk about the married men who are on tinder, shall we? Oh yes, they’re on tinder, and I’m sure there are probably women on there who are also married. But I have to say I find these men disgusting and fascinating at the same time. Not because I want to date them, but because it takes a whole lot of b@@!!$ for a married person to pull of a tinder profile without any key players in their lives finding out. “The lovely lady in the photos is my wife,” one man writes, “I’m happily married. Just looking to make new friends who might enjoy my company,” is his closing statement. Now I’ve never been married so I can’t decide on my own, but would you define this man as “happily married”?
Anyway back to the eager guy…
I ask Luis for advice on this guy, while confessing to him that I’m nervous because my date seems too “sophisticated” for me and I’m afraid he might not get my sarcasm. He replies: “…You MUST be yourself, so don’t try to be overly mature or too sophisticated. It’s a waste if you can’t just be you. I think in a relationship, if you don’t have any commonality with your sense of humor, you miss out on a lot of fun.” I must say, my coaches are really bringing on the savvy! I’m impressed by the advice so far, and enjoy reading their input and perspectives on dating.
We meet at a restaurant I’ve been meaning to try, but on a typical Thursday night it’s packed, so we agree to walk to the next available place. We end up at a cozy little spot a few blocks down where the server is anything but attentive. This makes little difference to me because I’m busy answering the many, many questions my date is asking. Where are you from? What do you do? How do you do that? What exactly do you do on a daily basis? What do you do when you’re not doing that thing you do on a daily basis? He was so inquisitive I could have sworn the next set of questions would be: What time did you wake up this morning? and, Did you floss today?
He apologizes again for being unresponsive, he has been recovering from surgery, a painful one, I must say. He shows me the battle cars. Yikes! I won’t be ordering ANY red meat tonight. I realize he wants me to do most of the talking, and I wonder if it’s because he has something to hide or has nothing interesting to say. I ask him if he’s ever been married, he says he hasn’t. “I’m just very picky, especially now that I’m older,” he tells me. “How old are you exactly?” I ask. “How old do I look?” he replies. Oh crap, here we go… Now I have to pretend that he looks younger than the age he actually looks because I have to be polite. “Ummm 35?” I say gently. “Close, I’m 38,” he answers.
I get a few other questions in before he asks to see pictures of my condo. I find this request peculiar on the first date, considering I don’t really want him to know where I live yet, but unfortunately he figures it out by asking a few more strategic questions. A part of me wants to lie completely and confuse him so he doesn’t figure out my address, but I have a terrible poker face and decide to give him a nearby landmark. Of course he guesses my exact address after only thirty seconds of pondering and I concede. All I can think of is: “I hope he doesn’t randomly drop by”.
He’s nice, sort of funny, and very polite. We talk about his latest disastrous tinder experience and what he considers to be a good date. I want to ask him some deep, meaningful questions, but he doesn’t seem to be interested in that so I give up. He asks me if I have any pictures of my place, at first I hesitate again but what the hell, he already knows where I live. I show him a picture of my living room and he compliments the decor. Ok, a man who appreciates good taste, this is good, I’m back in. But as I’m considering the possibility of a second date with him, he says: “I live only a few blocks away, do you want to stop in before you go home and give me some decorating pointers?” RED FLAG! RED FLAG! RED FLAG!
There were sirens going off in my head, my background in true-crime TV brings back memories of women gone missing, and a crazy man’s scary basement. Then I remember he’s probably just trying to get laid, so instead of macing his face I politely say: “Maybe another time.” I request my cab ride and he generously offers to pay for it, but then he says: “My guy friends offer to pay for their date’s Uber rides because the app shows them if the person makes any other stops along the way,” “That’s incredibly creepy!” I say to him. “I don’t do it though,” he tells me. I thank him politely but decline the kind offer because I can’t really figure out what his true intentions are, he just seems too eager to please. I don’t know why, but this scares the bejeezus out of me. Maybe he’s totally normal and is only trying to be friendly, but I have to go with my gut on this one. “Thanks for dinner,” I say with a smile, “and I appreciate the offer, but I would feel better if I paid for my own ride home.”