To my very own surprise and to the surprise of those who know me, I was early to my seventh date! I had asked Tony for advice ahead of time when I was slightly confused about whether to have dinner or drinks with this guy. He asked me to meet him at a pricey restaurant and I was not sure I would have time to eat before then. “Bummer?? Tony replied to my email, “are you trying to eat at every outing?” He has a point… But still, it’s Wednesday night, and once again there’s no time for me to eat before my date. I decide to roll the dice.
I arrive ten minutes ahead of him and notice the bar is full. “The only seats available are at the tables,” the hostess informs me. I make an executive decision and ask her to sit me at a table for two, and I text my date to let him know where I’m sitting. “There was no room at the bar so I asked for a table,” I write, “hope that’s ok! Also, please know that if we decide to order food, I don’t expect you to pay for my meal.” “LOL, that’s very forward of you. Thanks,” he replies.
Well I’m here now, might as well look at the menu… He arrives and is very apologetic for being late. Then he tells me laughing: “I can’t believe you got a table, jeez lady, I said drinks!” I laugh hesitantly, not knowing if he’s serious. “I’m joking! This is not a big deal, but thanks for being considerate,” he replies. Phew… We’re off to a good start, sense of humor and nice!
The conversation flows naturally, I feel relaxed, almost like I’m talking to my friend. He tells me he has a masters in counseling but has decided to pursue a different career path in IT. He comes from a very traditional family who immigrated from another country when he was very young, and we exchange notes about our family’s approach to tradition and religion. We talk about why most women in his family get married young and how I’m the oldest woman in my family who’s never been married.
“I often feel like no matter what I do in my life, it’s never good enough in the eyes of some, because I’m not married and don’t have any children, therefore I haven’t fulfilled my role as a woman.” I tell him. “It’s definitely the same in my family, in regards to women, but no one bothers me about it. It’s an obvious double standard,” he adds.
“Well at least we have some things in common,” I think. Unfortunately I’m not attracted to him. Surprised??? Let this be a lesson to anyone who does online dating… pictures don’t tell the whole story so I suggest meeting a person sooner, rather than later. Some people might consider it a waste of time to go out with someone who they’re “not sure” about being attracted to, but you never know, that could change over a date, or maybe not. Either way, is it worth trying? Absolutely!
He’s very soft-spoken and kind, definitely would make a good counselor. He shares that he wants to get married and have kids one day. He’s also very sensitive and intuitive, which are hard qualities to find in the same person. But I’ve been down this road before… “Sure you’re nice, I’ll be your girlfriend!” I know that’s not the way to go, and I know I’m not alone… sometimes it’s easier to give-in and “settle” for someone who fulfills our basic needs, even if we know they will never reach our primary expectations, not because they’re not “good enough”, but because they’re not the right fit for us. And don’t they deserve the right fit for them??? If nothing else, I hope to have at least made a new friend!