30 tinder Dates in 30 Nights – {Date 6} The Singer

My date for Monday night canceled AGAIN… I think I’m done with him. We haven’t even met yet and he’s canceled on me twice, because of work. Now, I get that this is probably a good reason, but twice in a row? I don’t have time for these types of set-backs! I definitely enjoyed having the night to myself on Monday, but that means I now have to schedule two dates in one day! This is tricky because I can only schedule a doubleheader on a Saturday or Sunday, too hard to meet someone for lunch during the work week. I’m experiencing somewhat of a “what the hell was I thinking” feeling, but the encouraging praise I’ve received from my friends and family keep me going!

Before my Tuesday night date, I email George with my date’s profile and picture. George replies with a very long-winded email, mostly to re-enforce what I already know: “1. if your email to me says ‘I know what you’re thinking’, probably not going to ever be anything serious.” George knows me too well, he knows this guy is not exactly “my type”… BUT, let me explain, before you think I’m a total jerk. I mostly agreed to meet with this guy – not because of this challenge – but because he’s a singer, in a barbershop chorus and a quartet! I’m fascinated! I love music so how could I possibly pass this opportunity up? The problem is I don’t particularly find him attractive… but looks aren’t everything right?

 The Date…

I’m fifteen minutes late because I decide to drive and park at the only non-functioning meter on the block. I stand there cursing at the stupid thing because I have to stick my credit card in five times. A handsome guy walks out of the gym across the street and asks if I need help. “Oh, thanks, but umm… I think I got it figured out.” I can’t pick up a new date when I’m on my way to meet another guy, can I??? He smiles at me and wishes me a good night. As he walks away I reconsider my stance but I’m now 20 minutes late for my date, so I rush down the street in the opposite direction.

I walk into the bar and he’s sitting at a table sipping on a beer. We hug, this seems to be my latest go-to-move, and he offers me a seat. I like what he’s wearing, I don’t know why I care… but in my opinion the way a guy dresses says something about how he sees and feels about himself. He’s super thoughtful and has already ordered an appetizer, which I happily partake in sharing. “He’s kind of cute,” I think…

But after we order our meals, I realize theres something very off here. He has a great job, he’s educated, intelligent, chivalrous, speaks mandarin! But my mind can’t seem to stop thinking about my recent dates and how they would compare to this one. I secretly generate a hierarchy of all my recent meetings, while my date explains his decision to join a barbershop quartet. “Stop it!” I yell at my brain, “be present”. I try to focus on him again, but there’s nothing pulling me to him. No chemistry, no intrigue, no butterflies. I’m almost… bored???

This is terrible, I’m a bad person! How could I not be interested in what this man has to say. He’s so nice and instead of paying attention, I’m daydreaming about my other dates. I force myself to try harder and at least attempt to engage in a discussion. I ask him, “Do you think men and women can really be friends?” Anyone who’s ever watched “When Harry Met Sally” can appreciate this…

“I think that’s possible, providing there’s no real attraction between them and the line is very clear,” he says. “And by line you mean, ‘there’s no way I would ever see you as more than a friend, so don’t even try it’, kind of line?” I ask. “Yeah, I think that it has to be clear that the relationship is purely platonic,” he replies. “But aren’t the most successful romantic relationships rooted in friendship?” I ask again. We go on discussing the decline of real dating in our society.

Okay, I’m finally interested in what’s happening here. We both agree that dating is somewhat of a lost art and that we should all feel free to date and meet several people before deciding to be ‘exclusive’ with one person. “But you’d be surprised at how many women feel it’s wrong or inconsiderate to date more than one guy at once,” I tell him. “And yet guys do it all the time! The problem is people are going from: ‘nice to meet you’ to: ‘let’s be in an exclusive relationship because this is easy and comfortable’, and are forgetting that friendship and dating are also VERY important.”

Before we know it our empty plates are being picked up and we both awkwardly look at each other wondering what to say next. “I should probably get home,” I say “I’m tired.” He walks me to my car, which I very much appreciate, and he hugs me goodbye. “It was nice to meet you,” he says “I enjoyed the conversation.” I thank him and tell him it’s nice making a new friend, hoping I‘m being clear about where my line is…



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